Global Climate Change and the Ship at Sea

There was a cruise ship at sea.  It was sailing directly toward a whirlpool, but most of the passengers don't know it.  The few who do, couldn't prove it.  But, it was.

This cruise ship has\d a lot of people on board.  Thousands.  Maybe millions.  Goodness, maybe billions.  But, lots.

It was captained by Cap'n Bill.  A few of the passengers, very few, came to him.  They told him, "We're concerned.  From the measurements we've taken, it looks like there's a whirlpool out there and we're headed straight for it."  Cap'n Bill responded, "Well, can you prove it?"  "No," the few passengers that have come to Cap'n Bill with their concerns responded.  "We can't.  But, all our measurements indicate that there is one out there and we're heading straight for it.  All our measurements are getting stronger."

"Well," Cap'n Bill said as he thought.  He could hear the other passengers partying.  "Okay, we'll keep an eye out and if we need to do something, we will.  We'll definitely do something if we can get the other cruise lines to do something, too."

Cap'n Bill got most of the other cruise lines to agree to do something, but he couldn't get his passengers to agree to the agreement.  So, he kept his course.

Now, on this particular cruise liner, the captaincy changed every so often, based on the vote of all the passengers.  Cap'n Bill came to the end of his time as captain, and Cap'n Dubya was elected to be captain of the cruise liner.  During Cap'n Dubya's campaign to be captain of the cruise liner, he acknowledged that the liner was headed for a whirlpool.  He promised to change the course of the liner, at least a little.

But, when he was elected as captain of the liner, he didn't keep that promise.  During his time as captain, he maintained course, directly for the whirlpool.

More of the passengers became concerned.  Those passengers on the liner who were taking measurements became even more concerned.  Their measurements showed that the whirlpool was getting closer, even faster than they expected.  They went to Cap'n Dubya and shared their concerns.  Cap'n Dubya heard most of the passengers partying, most of whom had voted for him to be captain.  He said to those passengers who were taking measurements, "We won't get to port nearly as fast if we change our course to avoid this whirlpool that y'all imagine is out there!"  "But," said the passengers who were taking measurements, "we won't get to port at all unless you change course to go around the whirlpool!"

Cap'n Dubya could see through the open door that there were some concerned passengers gathered in the hallway, waiting for his response, but he could hear the majority of the passengers, many of whom had voted for him, partying as if there were no tomorrow.  He thought, then he stuck out his jaw, looked forward toward the whirlpool that those passengers who were taking measurements knew was there, and said, "Damn the torpedoes!  Full speed ahead!"  He had heard this in a movie somewhere, since he didn't read.

So, all during Cap'n Dubya's time as captain, the liner moved on toward the whirlpool.  Finally, his time came to an end, and Cap'n B was elected to be captain of the cruise liner.

By this time, those passengers who were taking measurements were sure there was a whirlpool in the ocean and the cruise liner was heading straight for it.  The majority of the passengers were now concerned, but many of them didn't know who to believe.  Some of the passengers were still partying like there was no tomorrow.  But, most of those had not voted for Cap'n B.

Those passengers who had been taking measurements went to Cap'n B and told him, "Almost all our measurements have been increasing much faster that we expected!  You have to change course, or this ship is going down the drain!  Soon!"  Cap'n B heard them, but he didn't hear their urgency.  He said, "Okay, we'll change course, and we'll try to get the other cruise lines to change their course."  And he did.  But, unfortunately, he didn't change course much.  Just a little.  Not enough.  And, he couldn't persuade the other cruise lines to change their courses much.  But, at least he changed course a little.  The liner was no longer headed directly toward the whirlpool.  It just wasn't headed far enough away to avoid being sucked down into the whirlpool.  Not now.

There was one passenger who was watching all this:  Crazy Don.  Crazy Don thought to himself, "I'll bet this whole whirlpool thing is just a bunch of nonsense dreamed up by the other cruise lines to try to get us to change course so we won't get into port as fast."  He began saying that out loud to all the passengers who were still partying.  Then Crazy Don thought, "I'll get myself elected captain of this ship!"  And he did!

When Crazy Don assumed captaincy, those passengers who had been taking measurements went to him and said, "Cap'n Crazy Don, can't you see that whirlpool on the horizon?  All our measurements have been increasing much, much, much faster than we anticipated, and now we can see the whirlpool on the horizon!"

Cap'n Crazy Don looked where those passengers who had been taking measurements pointed.  Whether he couldn't see the whirlpool, or whether he thought it was a mirage, or whether he heard the minority of passengers who were still partying and refused to acknowledge the whirlpool that he saw, or whether he thought to himself "I'll probably be dead before we reach that whirlpool.  I don't need to worry!" will never be known.  But, it was one of those things.

And Cap'n Crazy Don turned the ship directly toward the whirlpool and said, "I don't care what all the other cruise lines think or what they've promised to do!  Damn the torpedoes!  Full speed ahead!"  He must have heard that line in a movie, since he didn't read, either.

The cruise liner went over the edge, into the whirlpool, and was never seen again.  Those passengers who had been taking measurements went to their deaths with mouths hanging open in disbelief.  Those passengers who were concerned watched horrified as the ship went over the edge, with Cap'n Crazy Don at the helm, cackling "It's just a hoax!"

Those passengers who had been partying like there was no tomorrow, most of whom had voted for Cap'n Crazy Don, turned at the last minute to see the ship careen over the edge of the whirlpool and go down, their faces marked with surprise.

Those who had been taking measurements last thought was "It was probably too late to save the ship anyway, but why didn't the captain try?"